Tamsen Taylor

147

Emotional Educator & Community Builder

December 6 2020 Theme:

The theme for this week is "Stop checking your brain, and heart, at the door."

Key Idea:

Have you ever decided that something is "right"?

And then every time you're confronted with a decision about that thing, you just go to your default, without considering new information?

Action:

The next time you're confronted by an opinion that differs from your own - stop rejecting it immediately.

Pretend that a treasured and valued friend or mentor said that thing - and give it a fair shake.

During your meditation or journalling practice, think about an opinion that HUGELY differs from yours - and consider.

Ask your "inner knowing" for insight, about why someone might think that way, And wait for an answer.

Start from an assumption that the position is reasonable somehow - and get curious about that.

And it's not just about logic and your mind - please stop demonizing those who disagree. They're still people.

Stop checking your heart at the door.

Yes, other people do it.

Is that a reason you're willing to subject your values to?

Going Deeper:

When we decide on an opinion, on a position in an argument - that HUGELY affects how we interpret any information we get going forward.

We remember things that support our argument - and tend to forget things that don't.

If any information is ambiguous, we interpret it in a way favourable to the opinion we have already formed.

This is a MAJOR way that people become disconnected, and can't communicate effectively or with compassion.

You have the power to choose another path forward.

Relevant Confidence Pillars:

This theme is relevant to the self knowledge pillar - part of knowing ourselves is understanding our values, and being willing to live in a way that is consistent with them.

It's also related to the Connecting with Others pillar - do you have others that you share values with, and who you can count on to have your back?

If you aren't sure what I mean by confidence pillars, check out my confidence building framework here - https://tamsenconnects.com/confidence-2/the-pillars-of-confidence-framework/

November 22 2020 Theme:

The theme for this week is "Listen to your Intuition."

Key Idea:

Have you ever known something without knowing how you know?

That's intuition.

I'm not saying follow your intuition - but listen.

Do you have a decision you're trying to make? Ask your intuition.

Then listen.

Action:

During your meditation or journalling practice, think about a decision that you're facing and pause.

Ask your "inner knowing" for insight, and then wait for an answer.

It may or may not come, it may come later, but be patient.

Going Deeper:

The type of intuition I'm going to explore this week has to do with recognizing patterns.

You have a lot of information stored in your brain, and new information can activate patterns without you knowing - how you know what's likely to happen.

It's important - as an expert in cognitive psychology I am NOT saying that intuition is always true, that you should always "trust your gut".

But I DO think that it's a useful and interesting source of information that can be added to your emotions and logic as you make decisions.

If you listen enough to hear it.

Relevant Confidence Pillars:

This theme is relevant to the knowing pillar - sometimes learning can be a very deliberate process, and so can remembering. But sometimes it happens very quickly and automatically. That's intuition.

It's also related to the Self Worth pillar (connection to self) - can you trust your intuition?

If you aren't sure what I mean by confidence pillars, check out my confidence building framework here - https://tamsenconnects.com/confidence-2/the-pillars-of-confidence-framework/

November 15 2020 Theme:

The theme for this week is "Accept imperfect decisions in an imperfect world."

Key Idea:

Have you ever had to make a decision when no choice seemed like the right one?

Sometimes we're forced to make decisions that contradict some of our values because there is no "perfect" choice.

Of course we should practice self compassion for ourselves all the time, but sometimes it is difficult to accept that we sometimes need to move forward in an uncomfortable way.

Invite yourself to accept more grace than usual as you move forward imperfectly this week.

Action:

During your meditation or journalling practice, think about a decision that you're facing or have faced that just didn't feel right.

Write about the choices you have, and how you feel about them. Let your feelings tell you about the values that come into play for you in this decision.

Then, be open to accepting that sometimes, because this isn't a perfect world, you need to just do the best you can, and accept that others might have chosen differently.

And that's ok.

Going Deeper:

Invite yourself to make an imperfect decision - but you don't have to go "all in" and defend it when people say they would have decided something else.

You can acknowledge that other choices would seem better to other people - but you have decided imperfectly in an imperfect world, and are moving forward.

I've been having to navigate my own imperfect decisions lately.

I am the leader of a local Facebook group called Guelph Moms Supporting Moms. This group was born out of another group for moms, and it didn't occur to me at the beginning that maybe men would want to join.

Later on the issue came up, and I decided to ask group members what they thought.

Many of the members were ok with men being in the group, but many were not - and included in the reasons was that some members have experienced gender based violence and other trauma, and do not feel safe around men.

I value inclusion, but it is an imperfect world where gender based violence exists.

I had to weigh the importance of inclusion versus the feeling of safety of the members. I chose the safety of group members and do not allow men into the group.

Of course I acknowledge that other group leaders would have made another choice, and I do not try to persuade everyone that my decision was "right", it's just the decision that I thought was the most right.

In an imperfect world.

Are you struggling with an imperfect decision? What values do you hold that come into conflict sometimes? Let us know in the comments!

Relevant Confidence Pillars:

This theme is relevant to the self worth pillar - understanding our own values, not expecting perfection, and practicing self compassion.

It's also relevant to the ability pillars - decisions can be part of DOING something, and impact our assessments of our ability.

If you aren't sure what I mean by confidence pillars, check out my confidence building framework here - https://tamsenconnects.com/confidence-2/the-pillars-of-confidence-framework/

November 8 2020 Theme:

The theme for this week is "My strength is my weakness."

Key idea:

Our strengths and weaknesses are often flip sides of the same coin.

What is a disadvantage of something you normally perceive as a strength?

Action:

During your meditation or journalling practice, think about something you see as a strength, of something you're generally proud of.

Then, be open to seeing how sometimes you might have taken that to an extreme, or used it in an unhelpful way.

As an example, honesty is generally seen as an asset. But, we often have to learn as teenagers to temper honesty with kindness, or we can lose friends.

It's not just the information you communicate that matters, but how you do it matters too.

Again, don't worry about "getting it right" - use your intuition. What comes to mind first? How could a strength have worked against you?

Going Deeper:

Personally, I don't really believe in strengths and weaknesses so much as things that are helpful or unhelpful in certain contexts. It's easy to take a "strength" too far!

Part of knowing ourselves is understanding our strengths and weaknesses, but also understanding that different situations might change how useful our tendencies are.

This is the fourth week of the broader theme, "Know Yourself", and obviously the flip side of last week!

November 1 2020 Theme:

The theme for this week is "My weakness is my strength."

Key idea:

Our strengths and weaknesses are often flip sides of the same coin.

What is a positive side of something you normally perceive as a weakness?

Action:

During your meditation or journalling practice, think about something you often criticize yourself for.

As an example, I tend to shut down when I'm forced to be competitive - when things are presented in terms of scarcity, and for me to win, someone else has to lose.

I've learned to see this as a flip side of my love of collaboration - I love win win situations and thrive there - so it sort of makes sense that the opposite would shut me down and feel negative.

Again, don't worry about "getting it right" - use your intuition. What comes to mind first? How could a weakness actually be related to a strength of yours?

Going Deeper:

Personally, I don't really believe in strengths and weaknesses so much as things that are helpful or unhelpful in certain contexts. It's easy to take a "strength" too far!

Part of knowing ourselves is understanding our strengths and weaknesses, but also understanding that different situations might change how useful our tendencies are.

This is the third week of the broader theme, "Know Yourself".

October 25 2020 Theme:

The theme for this week is "This is what I value."

Key idea:

What are the things you stand for?

What are 3 values that you, personally, feel are super important?

Action:

During your meditation or journalling practice, think about the values that you stand for.

Don't worry about "getting it right" - use your intuition. What comes to mind first?

Remember this is for YOU - don't worry about what anyone else will think.

Also, don't worry if you do this for the week and change your mind - this is about self discovery.

Going Deeper:

I've heard many moms struggle with the identity changes that come with becoming a parent. Put that together with the extreme amounts of work that come with having a family and moms often lose themselves and forget who they are and what they are about as individuals.

To be the best parent you can, you need to know who you are and how to take care of yourself.

Of course, this is also relevant to anyone who isn't a parent! We all need to accept that we change during the course of our lives, and it can benefit us to check in from time to time. Especially in times like these, when we're all faced with uncertainty and change!

This is the second week of the broader theme "Know Yourself."

October 18 2020 Theme:

The theme for this week is "This is what I love to do."

Key idea:

What are the things you enjoy doing?

What do you love about your daily activities? Your hobbies? What activities give you energy?

Action:

During your meditation or journalling practice, think about the activities that give you joy.

If you can't think of anything, think back to when you were a kid. What were your hobbies? What games did you like? Did you play sports and enjoy it?

Going Deeper:

I've heard many moms struggle with the identity changes that come with becoming a parent. Put that together with the extreme amounts of work that come with having a family and moms often lose themselves and forget who they are and what they are about as individuals.

To be the best parent you can, you need to know who you are and how to take care of yourself.

This is the first week of the broader theme "Know Yourself."

October 11 2020 Theme:

The theme for this week is "It's ok to have a bad day."

Key idea:

Sometimes things suck.

Acknowledge it. Accept your feelings, as they are right now.

Be ok with where you are, and like everything, things will shift when they are ready.

Action:

During your meditation or journalling practice, sit with where you are.

If you're having a good day, great.

If you're having a bad day, let that be ok too, and explore it.

Going Deeper:

I'm having a hard day today.

I'm tired. My stomach is upset. I'm cranky.

It happens sometimes.

I do my best to warn those around me so that they can be patient with me, and so that they know it's not them!

And then I try to just let it be what it is, and try to listen to what I'm being told by my body and the rest of me.

October 4 2020 Theme:

The theme for this week is "Breathe."

Key idea:

Breathing is something that we need to do for our bodies, but it's something that most of the time we do totally without thinking.

Take the time to pay attention - how are you breathing? Are you filling your lungs?

If you feel anxious, taking a few deep breaths can help tell your body that you're actually safe.

Action:

Pay attention to your breath during your meditation or journalling practice.

What do you notice about your breath?

Does breathing faster or slower change your level of confidence, of feeling safe?

Going Deeper:

Breathing is a way we can signal to our body that we are safe. If we're scared we tend to breathe more quickly, and slowing down our breathing can reduce anxiety.

If you're interested, here are some breathing techniques you can try: https://www.healthline.com/health/breathing-exercises-for-anxiety

Yay - a chat function has just been enabled in Tribe, so I've activated it! You should now see a chat icon several places to the left of your profile picture at the very top of the window. Let me know if you have trouble!